I asked this of her because this is a very tough time for me and my family. Not that it's tougher for my Mom, but her pain is different from mine. I've come to learn to hold back my tears and sorrow so that she can lean on me and once we're done, is when I lean on someone else (usually Jim). While each of our pain is different and we may handle it differently, we share one common bond - the heartache we feel for missing my Sissy.
My Sissy's 2nd year death anniversary is on January 30th. The weeks and days leading up to the 30th is nothing but replaying the last goodbye or remembering the last I love you over and over in your head. The tragedy of losing someone is a pain that I could never describe. Imagine reaching for your phone to call that person and realizing, omg she's not here anymore.
I was talking to another friend of mind who also lost her sister, April, and she said it so right - sometimes you really do expect that person to come knocking on your door, answer the phone, send you an email. I'm not stupid - I know these things aren't gonna happen. But, it's like your mind will never rest with the thought that she's absolutely 110% not going to do those things. I've accepted it, deal with it on a daily basis, but it still seems like an extended vacation and any moment she'll be back to ask me what I've been up to - man I'd love to fill her ears with every little detail of the last 2 years.
Anyway, I kinda got off on a tangent here, but what I was trying to do was share the devotion Court sent me. It's long, but so very worth it. I firmly believe I was meant to read this devotion...and not just for myself, but for my Mom. Today I put my pain on the back burner and let the weight of my Mom's pain rest on me. I may be small, but I can definitely be one tough cookie.
When I heard the news, tears welled up in my eyes, my heart instantly filled with sorrow and my stomach just was sick. They are a young couple who have one young toddler son and they were expecting their next baby in less than a couple of months. All checkups had gone well and when mom went in for her routine weekly appointment...she had no hint that the news would be anything different than the ones before, so alone she went ...but this time it was not just different...there was no heartbeat. The baby had died sometime within the days previous. I can't imagine the flow of emotions, or the devastation or the mental processing that accompanies such news as this. I just know how it hit me as an outsider....and my heart is broken for them and my prayers continue each day to God for His comfort and strength for their family.
This is one of those horribly hard...no words to define the heartbreak, how do I live through this, situations that God has allowed. I know that there are those of you reading this who have also experienced the untimely (in our sphere of understanding) death of child. It doesn't matter the age of the child...it is a child....your child; a living little being that you have carried, or adopted, and have loved, nurtured, nourished and had dreams for....and those dreams have been shattered....and life has been altered to a way you were not prepared for. I just can't imagine how you work through something like this and live through it....except by the grace of God. I had a miscarriage when the baby was only 3 months...and that is as close as I can come to understanding this...so I am speaking as an outsider. But God has compelled me through my thoughts to address this at this time. So please as you read this consider.....GOD... as the author and not me....for I have prayed for his lead and have asked for his words....and it is only God who has the balm to ease the pain of a broken heart such as this or such as one that you too are having to endure.
It is through God's grace and his timing and his mercy that he will accomplish his will. There are no words...and there are no answers...we are left after a tragedy hits, to stand on faith and a trust and a hope that is from God himself. Somewhere deep inside we have seek and embrace a confidence that God is big enough to get us through this grief.
God's lessons of his love, for us, in trying times are sometimes hard to accept...and almost choke you when you try to swallow them. The pain at hand is seemingly too great to bear, the loss is too heavy, the swirling questions of why are confusing and the thought of considering God a loving God when we have been forced to accept such tragedy goes way beyond our comprehension..UNLESS...
1) We have been down this road before and have allowed God to be our guide and we have seen first hand that God is faithful to his promises of strength and comfort
2) We are willing to trust God in the situation ...and disregard the finite abilities that we ourselves are so used to depending on...Great trials call for a great God.
3) We are fully committed to the fact that if God brings us to it...he will get us through it...and his glory will shine through...to us, on us and through us as well as to others who are watching on the sidelines.
4) We have witnessed someone else who has weathered a tragic storm and have seen the blessings that have come from it...and have seen the transformation of the ones who were on the inside as well as the way it has touched the lives of others standing on the sidelines
and finally we can get through a tragic situation if....
5) We are so low that we realize that only God has the power to pull us from this darkness unto His light.
So what does God say when bad things happen? He says he will heal the brokenhearted....he will bind up their wounds. They will be made strong and he will heal them for the world to see. God will somehow take the pain and the grief and use it for good and weave it into his purpose.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds
Acts 3:16
By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.
Romans 8:28
[ More Than Conquerors ] And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
But then we have to look at how we respond when bad things happen? The following verse in Romans is so full of God's wisdom...if we just take some time to take it apart layer by layer.
Romans 5 1-4
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
If we have faith...then Christ gives us a peace that accompanies that faith. And through that faith we have gained access to God's grace. And it is on that grace that we now stand.
Through that grace...God gives us hope...and the cycle begins..
When we are faced with brokenhearted trails like these young parents who I have spoken of above, we have to ask God for strength to persevere to be able to walk through them....it may be slow in coming...but it will come....and God's hand will be upon you at all times.
That perseverance is what God uses to God develops our character...he is in the business of transforming the character of each of us....and he uses times such as these to teach us of his grace and of his mercy...and to make himself known...for it is in these times that we become vulerable and we seek God's comfort, we seek God's strength, we seek God's wisdom, we seek God's help...and we "hope" that God is there...and He is listening to our cries. God has been all the time but it is times like these that we become dependent on HIM...becasue we realize that we don't know the way out of the darkness....or the way to His light.
Through our character God brings us right back to his hope...Hope in his promises, hope in his strength, hope in his transforming ways, hope in his authority, hope in his ability to take something painful that breaks our hearts and make something good out of it. and a hope for eternal life.
But it is all in God's timing that this is made possible. It is a process...a one tiny step in front of another...we learn to crawl before we walk...we learn to walk before we run...and God is with us during each of those stages of growth. God is steady and dependable...and he knows the pains that are gripping each of us....and he is our ultimate healer. We have to go through the flames of God's righteousness...to be purified by his grace. And those flames are the trials that hit us blindsided. They are the situations that we know are coming...but we are not sure when they will land.
It is through the bad things that happen...that God somehow finds a way to make good out of them. It is sometimes the agony of the aftermath that hurts so deeply....and seems to be something that will never heal. But God is a mighty God, and a compassionate God. It will take time, it will take God's power and his strength and his grace...but it will also take our willingness to stand faithfully on God's promises that we know to be true. We will not have to go through this grief alone..God will not let us travel that road alone...He will not leave us to our own efforts...for he knows that we need his help to survive our brokenhearted trials.
God knows his children by name and by need...and will be our helper, our comforter and our friend from this day forward...until eternity. We are called to trust Him and to have faith in his ways. So many times we question the life and death events that God allows to happen...but those are questions that we may never know the answer to. We can only stand on the solid foundation of faith. It is not something we can see...but something others can see in us.....and something God has given to us as an everlasting gift. For our faith is only a mere reflection of the faithfulness that God has shown to us. And one day as we have shared in the sufferings that have beseech us...we also will be able to share in God's glory that enfolds us.
Dear Lord, When tragedy hits close to home...it shakes us to the core leaving us with little or no visible strength to carry on. Our hearts are broken, our dreams are shattered, our bodies are weak and our spirits feel as though they have been trampled. Lord, lift those up today who are feeling the burdens and aftermaths of sudden tragedies and even tragic times that continue to linger from years gone by. Please especially bless this young couple and their family. Fill them with your grace and your hope and bless them with a peace that comes from you alone.
Amen
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