It's Up to Me

I can't afford the luxury of being negative. I just can't. Every day I get up and I have the choice on whether to complain all day or smile, look ahead, be grateful, keep the faith and stay positive. Day in and day out, I choose the latter. That's not to say I don't have my down days, because I most certainly do. Right now though, it's critical that I keep my chin up. It's critical for my sanity. It's critical for my well being. It's critical for the future.

October is around the corner and there's some dates that I'm gonna have to face head on. And I mean head on. I don't have a choice but to live through these days and frankly, if I don't gain strength now, then when these days come, the skakiness I will feel will be enough to knock me right on my ass. And I don't want to be on my ass. I want to stay standing...even if my stance gets a little shaky. I've learned from past experience, like my sister's death anniversary, that if I don't fill my reserve tank with strength, then I will lose sight of the big picture, of the wonderful things life has to offer, and focus solely on the negatives...and when the hard days do hit, I will be in terrible shape. What days coming up am I preparing for? Well, these: My original due date was October 11th. My sister's birthday is October 31st. In between these two days that I predict will be hard for me (naturally), is my nephew's birthday, October 15th and our 2 year wedding anniversary, which is October 20th..and I'm thankful for the latter two because it is, once again, a reason to celebrate life and love. As the days in September pass, I know that the difficult days get closer. I don't look forward to them and yeah, I do wish they would just coast right on by and...maybe even be skipped? But, well, as we all know, life doesn't work that way. I can't hide from it. I can't even pretend to be okay with it. All I can do is my best. My best to get through it with strength, courage and faith.

At this point in time, I want to laugh and continue to feel uplifted and positive...I really really need this because it's what I reach for deep inside when I feel like I have nothing to laugh about...feel uplifted about...be positive about.

I guess my point is this. If I act a little weird next month for a couple of days or so, please know it's not intentional. I may just be having a very hard day and it's something I have to get through. I couldn't do that without your support though, that's for sure. And I know that at the end of the day, it's my strength, my faith and my will to look ahead that will get me through it. It's up to me in the long run. I take full ownership of being this way. You can't do it for me, I have to want to do it for myself. It's a choice I have to make, want to make...because life, love, faith, family and friends is not something I want to take for granted.

xoxo.